Forgiveness is much more than a simple act of saying “I forgive you.” It is much more than re-starting a lost relationship. It is even more than forgetting an act that caused us grief at some point in our lives. When we truly forgive someone, we get peace with ourselves. We feel satisfied, easy, and free because the bitterness is gone forever.
Truly forgiving someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things you can do. Forgiveness requires great spiritual strength and courage that many do not have.
When we are hurt, be it physically or mentally, we go into a kind of state of rage. Anger can be a useful emotion if we want to defend ourselves from the threat. However, it is useless if the threat no longer exists.
Prolonged anger slowly poisons us. It fills us with rage and anger and thirst for revenge, which are completely useless negative emotions. They do not erase the past and are of no use now or in the future.
Forgiveness in a sensible way
To free ourselves from negative emotions such as rage, we can use the power of our thoughts and ideas. In this way, we take responsibility for our own minds. So we tear our minds away from these feelings. Thinking sensibly requires that you do not free yourself from the influence of influences and imagination. It requires that you do not exaggerate or dramatize the facts and, above all, reject the “you should have” thinking.
When rage guides us, we assume that other people should have behaved in a certain way. So we are not capable of genuinely forgiving them.
The truth is that everyone is free to behave according to their own principles, not ours, whether we like it or not. Accepting this fact and enduring it without greater negativity will allow us to finally forgive those who have hurt us.
Therefore, in order to free ourselves from this heavy feeling of bitterness, revenge, and sorrow, we should keep in mind that no one is perfect. Not the people who have hurt us, and not us. It is natural for people to make mistakes, get confused and behave instinctively. That is why our spiritual side comes from the most primitive part of our brain.
While the damage affects us, rage does not change this fact. We only end up getting two problems. First, the damage we suffered because of another person’s act. Second, the rage we inflict on ourselves that only causes more pain.
Another sensible idea that might help us is the idea that no one can make us suffer without our consent. This may sound strange, but it is the truth. If you know who you are, you have a balanced self-esteem and a healthy head on your shoulders, no one has the potential to hurt you. Not at least through words or deeds that have no physical harm.
A verbal insult can only hurt me if I tell myself that person should never insult me. Or on the other hand if I “buy” that person’s slander. If I end up believing slander and accepting it as my own, then I will open the door to what is causing me pain.
You may think this is an extremely difficult thing to achieve and it is right to think so. No one teaches us to think this way. Instead, we are taught how to protect our dignity with all our might, how to make our egos shine as if we were each the most important on this planet.
In the end, this only works against us, for we are the ones who suffer on a spiritual level. And if we stop and think about it, we will see that it is not worth it at all because we will never achieve anything with it. Anger to another will never benefit anything in practice.
How do I know I really forgave?
While forgiveness is a really difficult act that requires a lot of courage, we can all do it. The rational thoughts we described earlier are just the beginning. However, it does not end there. To forgive, you must grow and connect with the things we tell ourselves.
You have been able to forgive if you know one or more of the following:
- You don’t think that other person is bad. You’re just a little confused about you. You know that people are good by nature. They want to cooperate and not compete, but this society, as hypocritical as it is, teaches us another. And this may confuse us. Everyone can fail at some point in their lives because it is normal. When you are able to accept this, you have definitely forgiven that person. It has now also eliminated the negative feeling.
- You have accepted what the other person did. You tolerate, accept, and are aware that life is not perfect and people are even less perfect. Therefore, you need to accept that there are situations, actions, and facts that you will not like. In fact, they may even be against your beliefs. This is a part of life, and if we see and experience it that way, it won’t cause us as much annoyance. It’s sad when things don’t go the way we would like, but it’s not the end of the world.
- You don’t feel anger or rage when you see another person. Instead, you would like to help her and wish her all the best in life.
If you feel more compassion than rage, you have managed to forgive once and for all. You wish only the best for that person. You sincerely wish him a good life and a correction of his behavior. In fact, inches that he certainly just carries on his shoulders a sign of bad luck.
Forgiveness is not a mentally easy task. Often it emerges as a form that describes your victory in a difficult battle against negative emotions. However, by doing so you are the first to benefit from it. Now you can stop suffering mentally from something that has already happened. By doing so, you will let go of the useless weight you carry around for no good reason.