Boredom in a relationship is as normal as boredom at work, family, routines, or any other permanent things. We want to start by saying that boredom is not an unfortunate state. Nor is it the end of the world, or as negative a thing as many believe. We all get bored every now and then!
We can define boredom as a complete lack of interest or motivation. The word “boring” means “something that causes boredom or irritability”. So according to the etymology of this word, it could mean “being irritated”.
Boredom with your spouse, work, and friends is perfectly normal – under certain circumstances. Boredom is simply a consequence, not the problem itself. It’s just like darkness that allows you to appreciate light more, and vice versa.
Reflections on boredom
Boredom is just a relative of depression. It is a condition that causes discomfort and can lead to grief. Sometimes it leads to questions and thoughts about the true purpose of life. And if this leads to obsession even for a moment, it can lead to a feeling of distress.
Author Isaac Asimov predicted that boredom could become the greatest disease of modern times. Why modern times? Didn’t boredom exist before? Well, at least not now. Perhaps the only thing that changed is that boredom got a bad reputation. Boredom received negative connotations. And like all “negative” in this world of “positive thinking,” it cannot be tolerated at all.
Usually a person gets bored when he or she has nothing fun to do. People start getting bored when their activities become routine and repetitive. And when people have no goals or achievements to expect at all, or when their routines are no longer challenging, interesting, or meaningful.
Boredom in a relationship
Boredom in a relationship is a sign of a real problem. The first thing that comes to a couple’s mind is the suspicion that love is over. But love and boredom are realities that often go hand in hand. While they seem contradictory, they are not.
It is common for people to get bored with their spouses after a few years, or even a few months of being together. Studies on this topic suggest that the most critical moment in a relationship is between four and seven years, as this is the time when the brain stops producing dopamine and other substances that are associated with falling in love.
From a psychological perspective, boredom in a relationship could be a sign that romantic love is over. But research by Sandra L. Murray, Dale W. Griffin, and John G. Holmes shows that the more idealized love is, the more likely it is to experience boredom in a relationship.
When two people fall in love, they are immediately activated by something that can be called “love anxiety”. Starting a love relationship often creates a feeling that a person’s life is expanding. This is perceived as a psychological awakening that generates a number of pleasant sensations.
In addition to this come the desire for protection and comfort, as well as the fear of loss. The antidote to this is to stay as close as possible to your partner. When these feelings are clearly shared, anxiety is reduced. That is, what these feelings actually refer to is a strong need to be connected to the object of love.
Over time, these feelings of individual expansion and psychological awakening decrease. What was previously unusual is now becoming commonplace and this delightful new knowledge is disappearing. And so does the enthusiasm and accumulation of pleasant feelings that the couple experienced before. At this point, a relationship of boredom emerges.
It must be remembered that in any relationship, things will not always be as they were at the beginning of the relationship. However, this does not have to be a negative thing, as there are many different ways to ignite this extinguished flame and avoid falling into boredom. You always have to start with yourself. Has you just become bored? If so, you can restore that sense of novelty to your relationship to evoke shared feelings.