Sometimes it’s hard to say for sure whether love is real or false. When in love, it’s hard to see the situation as a whole, and when in love, you don’t necessarily realize anything is wrong until anxiety and grief are everyday.
A lot is written about love and it is a universal subject. There are countless self-help books on love and many writers, psychologists, gurus, and relationship counselors specialize in love.
So why do we still make mistakes in love, even though information about building healthy relationships is readily available today? No one can avoid adversity completely, and no one is immune to suffering.
Sometimes we hear it repeated “if you give yourself completely to another person, it’s harder to start over if something goes wrong.” But how can we love one another to the fullest without sacrificing everything we know to it? How can you really love if you don’t offer everything about yourself?
Love cannot be given in small parts : “this is yours and this is mine.” Love is given either completely or not at all, love cannot compromise on things.
Nothing is certain in this life, for we live in a world that is in constant motion and change. People and emotions can be momentary, changing, disappearing. Hardly anyone is constantly happy in their relationship, only a few avoid heartache. However, there is one thing to keep in mind with relationships:
Don’t be afraid of loneliness, don’t see solitude as a verdict or a hanging stone. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to connect with yourself, love yourself, and heal before you can start a new relationship. Don’t stay in a bad relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone. It is better to be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.
Bad, illogical love that captivates
There is wise love, love that makes life fuller, better, and more beautiful. In a good love affair, each person has their own space and time where personal growth can take place. A good couple grows together, supports each other, and respects each other’s self.
You may be wondering… do such relationships really exist? Indeed. Sometimes finding a decent relationship can take decades. Few stay with their first girlfriend or boyfriend for the rest of their lives. When a person grows and develops, and by meeting different people, you begin to notice what kind of person is right for you and what are the most important factors in a functioning human relationship.
What about people who seem to constantly face completely wrong people and whose relationships always inevitably collapse? Life seems to throw all sorts of losers with whom it is impossible to build a life together. However, growth and change are in your own hands and you can avoid repeating the same formula.
Why do we always fall in love with people with whom nothing happens and the love affair eventually turns into a quarrel and hurting another? There can be many reasons for this, and while they may be self-identifiable, it may not protect against the same thing happening again.
Sometimes love blinds and sweeps with it. The second is hard to see properly at first glance. Sometimes guys and family see that a partner isn’t right for them, but they themselves refuse to admit it yet. We live in our own bubble and look at what the partner is doing and saying through the rose-red glasses until one day the eye finally opens up to the eye and we realize that the partner is not right for us. This is stressful, sad and distressing.
Let’s take a closer look at why we drift into constantly hurtful relationships.
The need for attention and appreciation
Suddenly another person hits your path who recognizes himself in you, he understands what you are talking about, is kind and interested in what you do and say. This person can make you feel like the most interesting person in the world.
Usually, such relationships develop between two people, at least one of whom has low self-confidence. Each of us has flaws, but some may experience their own flaws so seriously that no one believes anyone can ever understand and love them. When someone who falls in love with it hits, it feels better. We seek approval through another person. However, this is usually an illusion in the end games.
In the long run, such love causes more destruction than what one feels one has already experienced.
Fear of loneliness
Some people can’t stand the idea of loneliness. Loneliness, loneliness and loneliness make it the most terrible fate and shame of them all.
Those who are afraid of loneliness receive almost anything their partner throws in their direction. Such people do not value themselves enough and are afraid of loneliness in a dysfunctional relationship rather than without a relationship.
There are people who imagine that true love manifests as pain, longing, jealousy, and other negative phenomena. Many are still grinding about how true love hurts the most and that love should suffer. Many also believe that in the face of love, one must sacrifice oneself and give oneself to one another. This is not the case. Sure, movies and books romanticize immortal, impossible love, but in real life, such love is just as tormenting. Love can be easy and nice, it doesn’t have to be a constant struggle.
It is good to banish such thoughts of romantic love, where one party dominates and the other submits, where loving one means insane jealousy, the desire to own the other. Care must be taken with these concepts.
Throw in the scrap yard the dramatic thoughts of a strong, passionate and destructive love that burns the heart to the ground. When you meet the right person, it is easy to be with him and the difficulties are overcome together by blowing into one coal. Remember that the seed of true love lies in the fact that you love and appreciate yourself first, only then can you love others. Start with yourself and believe that you deserve healing, unifying love.
Photos: Catrin Weltz Stein