Spanish journalist Carles Capdevila once said: “Our children are allowed to be children and make mistakes. But they should also understand how adult life works. ”
On the other hand, reality tells us that sometimes we restrict our children so much that we make them little children in straitjacket. Some modern breeding styles believe that mistakes are devils and over-caring is normal.
This strict philosophy puts children in tight uniforms made just for their size.
Let me explain. Too often, modern education tries to shape happy, impressive children who cannot be disappointed. They can’t get frustrated or see what doesn’t belong to them.
They have to be perfect or at least try to be. Children are prisoners of this utopia instead of being motivated.
The mistake of modern education
These kids are perfect and happy on paper, but not in real life. Some parents deliberately interfere with their children’s lives so that they do not make mistakes.
The result is that children get frustrated because parents take away their right to make mistakes. They take away the opportunity to learn.
One study from 2011 shows just that. The study offered a variety of toys to preschool children. Later, the researcher went back to the room with the child.
The conditions of the experiment dictated how the researcher worked in the room. One of the options was to explain to the child how the toy chosen by the child worked. The researcher then left and left the child alone.
This study found that when researchers taught a child how to use a toy, the child always played with it in the same way and in a more limited way. He also got tired faster.
When the researchers gave no instructions, the children tried to find out independently how the toy worked. This challenge helped them develop their creativity.
They found more ways to play with the toy, and as a result, they didn’t get bored so quickly.
Because of this research, Alison Gopnik, a professor of psychology at the University of California, believes that over -guided education is a mistake.
Parents need to help their children succeed. At the same time, they need to keep in mind that all actions should be to help, be involved, or to promote development.
They should not face the challenges of their children’s behalf . Children are able to overcome challenges themselves with the abilities they already have.
What modern education looks like
Alison Gopnik calls parents who advocate modern education a “carpenter”. Why? Because they are constantly trying to shape and carve their children as if they were a piece of wood. These types of parents want their children to emulate their own norms, values, and dreams.
In fact, they may even put their own frustrations and dreams on the shoulders of their children. Such parents have the following characteristics:
- They organize the lives of their children down to the last detail. There are no unattended things as they have complete control over their children’s schedule.
- Parents underestimate the dreams a child has. Parents always say the last word.
- Parents pass on their values in the form of doctrine. They are practically “teachers”. Children have no freedom of thought, reflection or deliberation. Such an attempt will be penalized or ignored.
- The parent provides all sorts of educational toys and activities that he or she finds useful for the child. However, he does not usually think of the enjoyment of the child, but only the promotion of his abilities. Even so, the child is not allowed to comment on this behavior. The opinion of the children is not counted, but only that of the parent.
- They believe that children are indebted to their parents. Therefore, they think they have the right to manipulate their children. This happens even with adult children.
- They protect and isolate their children from the real world. Overprotected parents see their children as high-value property. They do not provide their children with appropriate tools for development according to these preferences.
There is another way to raise a child
Gopnik, on the other hand, believes that there is another, much more positive way of raising. He calls parents who raise in this style “gardening parents”. The idea is that parents are adults who water the growing flowers with love and attention.
In other words, Alison Gopnik believes that parents should allow their children to grow up without interfering too much in their lives. They must resist the temptation to control and disrupt their children’s lives too.
Children need to explore the world, make mistakes, crash, and learn to resolve conflicts. Children need to learn to tolerate frustration to solve their own problems.
To do this, parents need to listen to their children’s opinions. The child should explore and find their own preferences and abilities. To do so, parents should encourage their curiosity and freedom of thought.
Parents should let their children think, and when they have the skills to do so, they can make their own decisions about things. Parents who advocate modern upbringing do not believe that children should make their own decisions.
However, it is not that simple. If you try hard not to control your children, you may end up pushing them farther.
You just have to be present to protect and help them. It’s a challenge, but it’s a beautiful challenge.
There is nothing better than seeing them grow and be proud that they are doing things themselves. Things they wouldn’t have even imagined doing months before. Only presence, without overprotection, is invaluable.
And yes, they fall a thousand times as they learn to walk. But it is better to fall when they are young and than made of rubber, than later in life.
Our job is to provide help and encourage them to get back up and try again.