Mothers And Daughters: A Bond That Hurts And Heals

Mothers and daughters: a bandage that hurts and heals

The daughter always carries a small part of her mother with her. The connection between mother and daughter is eternal and impossible to break.

To be able to be happy and healthy, we need to realize how our own mother has influenced our lives and how much she still influences. From the mother, we get our first experiences of love and security as we grow up in the womb, and through the mother we understand what it means to be a woman.  The mother’s body corresponds to the daughter’s own body, and the mother teaches how to take care of the body and guides it on the eve of adolescence, pregnancy, and changes in parenting.

 Maternal inheritance

Every woman, whether she is a mother herself or not, carries with her a relationship with her own mother and its consequences.  If a mother has conveyed a positive image of being a woman and the meaning of femininity, both physical and mental, her positive experiences are always part of our own physical and mental health that guides us in the right direction.

However, the influence of the mother can also be awkward and life-threatening, and sometimes the role of the mother in the life of the daughter is toxic. Often, the negative impact of the mother is manifested as jealousy, a desire for control, or carelessness that leads to feelings of insecurity.

A caring mother, a vital part of life

Most of us seek mother’s approval, admiration, and attention from childhood. The older we get, the less maternal attention we need, but maternal acceptance is still perceived as important.

Getting a mother’s attention as a child is based on the fact that few children can do without parental support, safety, feeding, and care. The child has a biological dependence on his parents and thus the child guarantees his survival from childhood to adulthood. We seek information, encouragement, pampering, gentle words, comfort, motivation, and many other things from our mother. We want to prove to Mom that we know things and that we are worthy of her love.

Mother and daughter hug

Author Christiane Northrup says the mother-daughter relationship is strategically designed to be one of the most positive, comprehensive, and intimate relationships we will ever have. However, this is not always the case, as some children grow up without a mother, some mothers do not take care of their children properly and some mothers can be cruel to their children. Not everyone is a caring, loving mother.

Sometimes an adult child may still need to get the mother’s attention and approval, although often this decreases as the child moves away from home and becomes independent. This is not always the case and the child’s need to win maternal approval becomes pathological – this gives the mother an unhealthy amount of power.  The approval of the mother can be needed in terms of work situation, choice of partner and place of residence, and often the child suffers from this almost unnoticed. The mother can dictate what kind of career is right for the child and with whom the child will marry. This can lead to loss of independence and freedom.

How do we grow up as a woman and a daughter?

Personal growth includes healing mental wounds and dealing with things that have bothered or caused resentment and anxiety. There is also a strong connection to dealing with the maternal relationship : talking to the mother about things that have hurt in life. There is not always anything to deal with in a maternal relationship.

It is important to understand how the relationship with your mother affects your current life. Do you carry resentment over certain things, what things are you grateful to your mother for, what annoys you in your mother, and how you get to talk to your mother now. Be open to talking to your mother and handle even difficult things together. It is important to be able to face even the most difficult steps in your relationship and understand where the difficulties came from. Often, adolescence is a tumultuous time in a mother-daughter relationship, as the young woman detaches herself from the position of a child and moves closer to independence.

Source: Mothers and daughters – Christiane Northrup

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