Blaming others or circumstances is an easy way not to take responsibility for oneself, a way to free oneself from what is happening. But it is also the most effective way to lose control of your own life.
Many people have a need to blame others and / or circumstances, because by making themselves feel like a victim, it is also a way to justify what is happening. That way, they don’t have to do anything and they feel comfortable just complaining and waiting, just as if that were enough.
We need to find a reason
Uncertainty is not easy to experience. We need to know where, what and why, maintain control and know that in some way the problem will be solved. Thus, if the cause is someone else, then there is also a responsibility to find a solution.
Finding someone to blame can give you the feeling that you have fixed the problem even though you haven’t really understood the cause. But by blaming others, we set ourselves aside, at the mercy of what might happen, without any ability to deal with it.
Take control of your life by blaming others less
Some people get spiritual satisfaction from speaking evil of others. However, research has shown that when you talk negatively about someone, it is more likely that your listeners will associate that negativity with you. Researchers call this “spontaneous feature transfer”.
Requires maturity to take responsibility for one’s own actions. It’s not about bearing all the blame when there are other responsible people in the situation, but about being able to take responsibility when you really have to.
If everything is for someone else’s reason, then what part do I then play in my own life? Don’t my actions have any consequences? Am I so helpless? Knowing that when we accept our own responsibility when things go wrong, we also accept responsibility for when things go well.
We need to be objective about ourselves. We cannot assume that we could never have caused problems. We must also distinguish between admitting responsibility and bearing the cause when the fault is not ours.
Look for a reason, but not for any reason
If something doesn’t work, it’s easy to be creative and find some reason to blame someone else. We need to learn to relax and overcome the need to hold accusations as soon as problems flash on the horizon. Learning that you do not know how to get a broader view of things takes time to tolerate the momentary uncertainty caused by it. Finding a suitable accused does not solve anything.
You can only grow if you give yourself objective feedback
Objectivity in acknowledging error is the key to how we improve and evolve. We do not evolve as human beings just to survive and arm ourselves against the world. We need to develop the ability to respond to life and give ourselves feedback, avoiding the effects of low self-esteem or vanity.
There is nothing shameful about making a mistake or failing somewhere. Only proper feedback for reasons will allow us to build towards improvement. We do not grow by avoiding mistakes, but by analyzing their causes and causes and identifying weaknesses and limitations.
Forget the accusations and focus on making things better
For some people, blaming is everything. But what’s left of it? Can it solve anything? Forget the accusations and focus on your own goal, what you can fix, and whatever you need to change for the sake of improvement and to make things right.
“Blaming your mistakes for their nature does not change the nature of your mistakes.”