We all need our mother’s warmth, attention, and love, almost more than anything else. There are not many things we would need more than our mother’s love. Our first biggest fear is losing our own mother and not being present when we need her. If we have an absent mother, there is nothing in the world that could replace this.
In the earliest moments of our lives, we tolerate everything a mother does. If he criticizes us harshly or neglects us, we will forgive him immediately. In these situations, we certainly don’t even dare to question what he did. Most likely we blame ourselves for getting angry. And that’s also the reason we fear the most when we’re little: that he rejects us.
No matter how available our mother, there are times when she has to be away. He has no choice but to leave us sometimes alone, even if this is not for a long time. But when we’re small we don’t understand the concept of time, so we don’t know if he’s ever going to come back. Little by little, we learn to deal with these short-term absences, even though it’s scary.
If, for some reason, our mother is absent most of the time, and not just every now and then, it opens a wound in our hearts that never heals. If our mother is completely absent, the emotional damage will be so bad that it will leave a terrible mark on our minds, especially if this happens during the first six years of our lives.
Some people, all the way to adulthood, are completely upset when they have to be alone. For example, if no one is at home, the child may become anxious and feel overwhelmed. People like this can also be really adorable. They have learned that they must “be good” and always act as other people expect them to act. But when they are alone, they feel like scared children.
An absent mother can sometimes be the root cause of eating disorders and sleep disorders. A mother who is away for a long time and for long periods of time can give her child extreme anxiety problems. The children are scared when the mother leaves and also when she returns, for they do not know how long she will be present.
There are mothers who use this fear to “control” their child. They threaten to abandon their child if the child does not listen to him. A child doesn’t really have any escape route if he or she doesn’t have a good mother.
Consequences of mother’s absence
Children with an absent mother may develop certain types of behavioral patterns toward their mother: demonstration of mind, despair, and distancing. The absence of the mother does not make the child feel more love; it makes the child’s feelings go wild.
In the end, the child’s only option is to block their own feelings of love. Some children even end up hating their mother because of this vicious circle of love and loss.
The absence of a mother can cause distant, angry, and sad children. Little by little, in addition to their souls in flames, they learn that they must be alone in this world.
This situation is dangerous for the child, so in order to survive, they adopt a mask for themselves: the kind and obedient, or the neighbor’s bully, the insensitive. Then when they are adults, it is difficult for them to tell what is behind their distorted personality. The personality they created to deal with rejection.
What children really lose is their trust in other people. And their hope that someone would meet their needs, or that someone would love them. Therefore, when they love people as adults, there is complete dependence in their relationship. And relationships don’t usually last long.
They may be skeptical of their relationship, or they may ask their partners for impossible things. That is, what an absent mother leaves behind is a person who bases her human relationship on anger, fear, and most of all, distrust.