Independence is something many are looking for. It is characteristic of us to let go of the bonds that bind us to what we no longer need. Finding a job, financial independence, finding your own home, maybe your own partner. But what happens when independence makes us feel lonely?
Loneliness is something that many are looking for, but which others find very difficult. This is something we fear as we seek independence. Two feelings appear in life for those who need to deal with this issue.
Learning to live alone
When we become independent, we find a house in front of us where no one is waiting for us. A house where silence and solitude prevail. This feeling of isolation and rejection is unbearable for some. So what do they do? Find someone who wants to share their life with them.
This usually happens on an emotional level. When we don’t know how to be without a partner and can’t stand spiritual independence, we look for the first person who smiles at us and wants him to become a part of our lives.
We try to fill our lives with something that doesn’t really fill us. What we are not aware of is that being with someone is not going to fill us. This is something we create in our own minds. Often being with someone makes us feel just as empty.
This situation of independence, emptiness, and loneliness may make us feel apathetic and miserable. How can we resolve the situation? It will not be easy…
We have been taught that loneliness is something negative, but on the contrary, independence is a good thing. This contrast creates tension between what we want and what we feel; between the need for independence and the fear of silence and loneliness.
I want to be independent, but I don’t feel lonely
When we are in this situation, we need to consider how to find a solution:
- Evaluate your affection. We tend to get attached to material things as well as people who can be almost as bad for us as drug addiction. When we feel detached, we feel pain and therefore we turn to the “drug” again to feel better.
- Connect with your feelings and be aware that there is only one person who is always with you: you yourself. If independence creates a negative sense of loneliness, think of this as a new learning experience.
- Enjoy your own company. Often we don’t know how to be with ourselves and enjoy the silence and loneliness that enriches us and enables us to have a better self-knowledge! Eating alone and going to the movies alone can be uncomfortable, but it’s something that can benefit you.
Certainly the most shocking of the three things I mentioned is enjoying your own company. Especially when you should eat alone or go to the movies alone.
There are many people who do this because they know that it is important to participate in certain activities that we usually think we do in the company of others. These people know how to enjoy being alone. They know that walking alone or going to the movies doesn’t have to be uncomfortable, on the contrary.
We have been taught to connect with ourselves and there are certain things like eating or walking that we subconsciously connect with other people. If we don’t have a companion, this already indicates an obvious discomfort.
Imagine that for work-related reasons you have to go to another country and you don’t know anyone there. What would you do in that situation? Would you lock yourself home?
If independence makes you feel lonely, don’t look behind you or turn around to someone who would correct the emptiness you feel. Take this as a new lesson and learn to enjoy yourself without the need to accompany others.
You can enjoy many things that you imagine are only possible in the company of others. Eliminate this from your point of view, start to change and see your independence from a different perspective.