Why We Love Narcissists

Why we love narcissists

Narcissists are self-centered, arrogant, and exploitative, and yet they make us in their powers and fall in love with themselves.

Recent psychological research shows that we feel a strange attraction to narcissistic people,  their egocentric personality, their control of situations, and even their hostility.

Even psychologists suffer from this narcissistic charm. They wonder how they can have such a big impact on people and why they manifest so many paradoxes.

woman and mirror

Narcissists and their charm

Social psychologist Mitja Back and her colleagues decided to study narcissism. They asked 73 students who did not know each other to introduce themselves to each other one at a time. Each person was judged by others according to their compassion. Students completed several questionnaires including an assessment of narcissistic personality traits.

The results were as follows:

  1. Narcissists are the most popular. Others value them significantly more than non-narcissists.
  2. Participants appreciated the authoritarian nature of the narcissists. In the assessment forms, students had to take into account different aspects of narcissism: leadership, authority, self-esteem / self-centeredness, arrogance-superiority, and a tendency to exploit.
  3. Some of the characteristics of narcissists that were found to be appealing were their manner of appearance, tone of voice, and their ability to control the movements of their faces. They are often charming and alluring when we meet them.

Narcissists attract us immediately because they know how to use expressions, how to use a sound that inspires confidence, they have fashionable Hairstyles and they are more fun.

These are, of course, only first impressions. Their narcissistic tendencies are usually noticed at an early stage and repelled immediately. Only a few people are dealing with a friend who takes advantage of them and who is self-centered, arrogant, and authoritarian.

The contradiction of narcissists

There are many contradictions in narcissistic behavior as well as in how narcissists work. Psychological research raised some questions we tried to answer:

  • Why do narcissistic people  still behave selfishly even though they know they might ruin their relationship with others?
  • Why do narcissists tend to  underestimate others when, after admiration, they are abandoned?
  • Why don’t narcissists know when it’s time to stop their behavior before they are rejected?
ego warning sign

The first two questions can be partly explained by the fact that others find their behavior attractive at first.

Selfish behavior makes others admire narcissists,  and through it narcissists become addicted.

On the other hand, underestimating the people who oppose them is a way of hiding through which they conceal that they are already looking for other worshiping “victims”.

Besides, there’s a reason why the narcissist doesn’t notice when it’s time to stop so he doesn’t lose his partner or friends: the  attraction born in people can’t last too long. Who ever wants to criticize this narcissistic attitude escapes before they encounter.

Narcissists and reality TV shows: the perfect union

The best showcase for narcissists today is reality TV shows. This study clearly shows why narcissists are perfect candidates for  these programs:

They immediately capture our attention and compassion with their behavior and confidence. They are also brazen and arrogant.

Later, when we find out their true nature, we tend to despise them. All of these feelings make us unable to take our eyes off the TV screen. 

Applying the teachings of this study, it can be said that there is no need to encourage narcissistic people by paying attention to them or inciting them. Not only can they cause us harm, but they  can also inevitably keep us  in a vicious circle of attraction and combat.

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